Useless
by Melon Fuhrer
Summary: While at the hospital visiting her ill mother, Sheska runs into Lieutenant Hawkeye, who has news: Havoc's been badly injured, so much so that he won't ever be able to walk again. Taking the Lieutenant's suggestion, Sheska decides to visit the blond solider. Hinted Sheska/Havoc. Oneshot.


**DISCLAIMER: **All recognizable material belongs to Arakawa.

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"I'll be right back, mom," Sheska promised, squeezing the unresponsive woman's hand before standing. The chairs in the hospital weren't as comfortable as they looked; Sheska felt sore all over, and her bottom was beginning to feel numb. She stretched, hearing a few pops in her back. Shutting the door quietly behind her (despite the fact that she knew it wouldn't disturb her mother even if she'd slammed it) she started to make her way down to the hospital's cafeteria, having memorized the route days ago.

The woman's head was so far removed from what she was supposed to be focusing on - moving from point A to point B - that she didn't see the woman exiting a room and turning into her path. Noticing her just a moment too late, Sheska fully slammed into her.

"I'm so sorry!" she yelped, groping for the other woman's arms and helping her right herself. It took Sheska a moment to realize who she was; on her butt, in the middle of the hallway in the East Wing of Central Hospital, was First Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"Oh, shoot," she cried. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant, sir, I didn't see you-"

"At ease," the Lieutenant told her, standing up and brushing herself off.

"Wait," Sheska started, "why are you here? Did something happen to the Colonel?" she asked, genuinely concerned. She knew he had been a good friend of Brigadier General Hughes; the thought of something happening to him was upsetting.

Hawkeye shook her head. "No, the Colonel's fine. I was visiting Lieutenant Havoc."

Sheska pauses. Havoc, that soldier who was always smoking? Blond Havoc? "Why is he in the hospital? What happened?"

Hawkeye suddenly looked a bit downtrodden. "Something went wrong on a mission. Havoc… well, he's paralyzed. From the waist down," she explained, her voice soft as she tried to gently deliver the news.

The woman gasped. "That's horrible! How could that happen?"

The Lieutenant visibly tensed. "I can't give you any details, Private. It's classified information. I'm sorry." Hawkeye paused. "I'm sorry I can't stay and chat; I have somewhere to be. But Havoc's probably still up for visitors, if you'd like to see him," she suggested.

She perked up for a moment, though that was quickly quelled by anxiety. "I don't know, Lieutenant, I've hardly ever spoken with him before, and-"

Hawkeye smiled. "I'm sure he'd love some company, even if he doesn't know you very well. He's going to be stuck in there by himself for a very long time. I'm sure it won't hurt to drop by and at least say hello."

Sheska reddened. "Well, I guess I could try…" she muttered.

The Lieutenant grinned at her and waved. "I'll see you around, Private," she said, striding away from her.

She saluted a moment too late. "Lieutenant," she answered. Sighing, she turned her head towards the door; she could see him through the small window. His head was turned away from her, facing the large window that gave him what was probably a terrible view of the buildings and run-down streets of Central. She watched him for a long moment, and when he didn't make even the slightest movement, Sheska garnered her courage to put her hand on the doorknob.

_He looks bored, and lonely. Maybe I **should** go talk to him._

She bravely opened the door, and when his head turned to stare at her, she realized that knocking might have been a good idea.

"Lieutenant H-Havoc!" the woman exclaimed, her voice a bit too loud to her own ears.

Jean's head cocked slightly to the side for a moment as he tried to process what he was seeing. "I know you," he deduced after a long pause. "You're Private Sheska, right? You worked for Hughes?"

Her face darkened; she still missed the Brigadier General quite a bit. "Yes. I did," she answered sadly. "I'm sorry I don't have any flowers or anything," she said suddenly. "I wasn't expecting to visit you, to be honest. I'm here for my mom. But I ran into Lieutenant Hawkeye in the hallway, she's the one who told me you were here. She said she thought you could use some company," Sheska blurted. She swallowed; her tongue had a bad habit of running away from her sometimes.

Luckily, he didn't seem to notice, or if he did it didn't bother him. "Yeah, she's probably right, as usual," he muttered flatly. "But I don't want to keep you if you're here for your mother."

Sheska shrugged. "She's… um, not awake very often. I've been here for several days; I needed to get some air anyways."

"By visiting a useless cripple?" he asked her darkly.

Sheska didn't respond to that. Havoc used the silence to lean over to his bedside table and light the lone cigarette that sat there, sticking it in his mouth and breathing in deeply. He slowly blew it out, and after a tense beat he asked, "Did Hawkeye not tell you? I can't walk anymore. I lost the use of my legs."

"I know. She told me," she said. "But I don't think you should call yourself useless, Havoc."

His blue eyes pierced her, and she saw in them the sheer amount of pain and helplessness he'd likely been trying to hide. She was hardly more than a stranger to him, anyway. She doubted he wanted her to see him like this.

"What the hell do you know?" Havoc asked, his voice straining to keep from breaking.

Suddenly emboldened by she didn't even know what, Sheska crossed the room to take a seat in the chair next to his bed. His eyes followed her, fixated. "Can I tell you a story, Havoc?" she asked. She could practically see the noncommittal shrug in his gaze; she realized he was probably pretty far removed from everything outside of his condition. She pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose and pressed forward.

"I can't count on one hand the number of times I've been fired from a job. I can't tell you how many nights I've stayed awake, upset with myself for being the way I am. I can't put a number on the amount of money I've lost from not being able to keep a job. It's because I have an obsession with reading, and I was repeatedly fired for doing _that_ instead of working. I kept telling myself I had to keep a job, I had to earn money to put my mom in good care, but I couldn't seem to do it. I felt useless.

"And then I met the Elric brothers. They and Brigadier General Hughes gave me a job where I could put my interests to work and use it for the military, use it for a good purpose. I was able to afford to put my mom in a good home, and now that she's sick I can afford her medical care.

"You can't give up, Havoc. You still have a purpose, even if you don't know what it is yet. You have to move forward, okay? Don't give up."

Havoc sat in silence as she finished, no longer looking at her. The Lieutenant blew a puff of smoke away from her direction. Coughing slightly, he slowly turned to look at her. He didn't say anything; Sheska didn't know him well enough to be able to read him.

"This might not mean much coming from me. I know I don't know what you've been through; I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. But I _know_ you aren't useless, Havoc," she told him softly.

There was an odd pause before he chuckled, if it could be called that. "You know," he said listlessly, "I heard the same speech from Colonel Mustang a few weeks ago, though there was a lot more shouting involved. He wasn't thrilled that I quit the military."

Sheska's eyes widened. "You mean you're not a Lieutenant anymore?"

Havoc shook his head. "I told him I was going to find work in my hometown, help my folks run their store. I don't think he was fooled, though; he knows I'm just waiting around to die. He says he'll see me at the top, but just between you and me, I think he's in denial. I'm not a brilliant guy, and I know that. But even I'm smart enough to know that I won't be able to walk again. I know can't do much in the way of work. I know I won't be able to go on dates anymore, much less have a wife or kids if I ever wanted to. What good am I to anyone?"

Sheska felt her heart constrict; he was waiting to _die_?

She hesitantly reached out, laying a hand on his shoulder as gently as she could. "You'll find work. You'll find someone to be with. I know you will, Havoc. You're too young to be climbing into your own grave."

"Really? Would _you_ date me, Private? Would _you_ be seen with a man in public who rolls along beside you in a damn wheelchair?" His volume escalated with every word - by the time he finished he was nearly yelling at her.

"Yes, I would!" Her voice almost matched his; she was surprised at herself. She might yell and scream over something trivial, such as when she'd thought Falman was implying that she wasn't feminine, but she wasn't one to get so worked up when it was this serious. But this felt important to her; she didn't want to see anyone lose hope in life the way she once had. "It wouldn't matter to _me_. And if you found a girl who _was_ bothered by it, then she wouldn't be worth your time."

Havoc blinked, the cigarette nearly falling out of his mouth. "Do you really mean that?" he asked quietly.

She squeezed his shoulder. "Of course I do."

He stared at her again, the smallest of smiles eventually growing on his stubbly face. "Thanks, Sheska. I… I needed to hear that."

The woman grinned at him, retrieving her arm. "I am sorry for what happened, Havoc. And I still feel bad for not having flowers or anything for you…" she trailed off. "When I ran into Lieutenant Hawkeye, I was on my way to go get some food… do you want me to bring you something?"

"Well, since I haven't been hungry for a while, I should probably eat something so I don't starve. Anything you can find that's edible, I guess."

She stood, already on her way. "I can tell you I'm not impressed with the food here, but I'll see what I can do, okay?"

He smiled at her. "I'll see you when you get back, then."

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**A/N:** Cookies for reviewers! Also, I'm toying with the idea of expanding on this and writing more about them, though admittedly it would be a ways off because I'm trying to get through my other fic, All The King's Men, at the moment. But let me know if you're interested in more on this pairing so I can at least know if it's worth the investment!


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